Ok. I have been procrastinating about beginning to blog as I am hopeless with writing anything and fear that things will not make sense but here goes.
In the past 4 years I've been on this amazing "Journey" discovering a sense of self. My real awakening happened when I fell pregnant in 2007. I was always someone who could never handle stressful situations well and the events that followed and the bringing a baby into this world, Well they really made me a stronger person.
This is what happened all in 9 months of of being pregnant:
The same week I found out I was pregnant (which was on fathers day) I found out my Dad was dying of cancer.
I flew to the other side of Australia at 5 months pregnant and got married to grant my sick fathers wish to give his only daughter away. (Plus I want to be married before I became a mum)
At 7 months pregnant my husband and I moved house from Bundaburg to Brisbane which was 3 hours away but when moving is more like 8 hours.
At 8 1/2 months pregnant I went into hospital twice with early contractions, was really worried as jellybean was breech. First time was due to accidentally cutting my hand ( needed stitches which freaked me out). Second time was a kidney infection ( thought I was actually going into labor). From there Doctors tried turning my baby by hand. Was very painful. Was then told I needed a C-sec.
I fell to pieces at this point. The thought of being sliced open terrified me. I've never had a operation in my life before. I physically could not sign the consent forms (the ones that said I could DIE during the operation). I had envisioned having a natural drug free birth but that was not meant to be. I was so scarred even though I knew lots of women go through this every day, I still had hope that the baby would turn at the last minute.
A patient was brought in to share my room. She had just come out of surgery and was obviously in a lot of pain as she moaned when starting to wake up. A few moments later the doctors came to speak to her. She began crying as she asked "where's my baby? is it ok?" The doctors replied "Yes the baby is fine but we had to remove one of your ovaries".
My heart was so heavy as I heard her cry. Hearing how worried she was at how she almost lost her baby just put everything in prospective for me. At that moment I realized that my own fear could be putting my baby in danger and I signed those forms.
Here I was, scarred about something that happens to a lot of mothers and this poor women next to me was almost lost her baby and lost an ovary.
I am a big believer that things come our way for a reason and as horrible and traumatic the current situation is, it makes us a stronger, compassionate and forgiving person.
When I fell pregnant it was like I was sent this miracle to force and help me to change and to become the person a longed to be. I knew after not having the best up bringing myself, that if I had children I didn't want the same vicious cycle to repeat itself.
I am enjoying discovering and learning about myself, how I can be at my best for my family and to look forward to a better tomorrow.
I feel so blessed having what I have and knowing what I know. I believe in self awareness and that life experience in the best knowledge anyone can have and is more powerful than you think.
I have a loving husband and a gorgeous son and wonderful support of family and friends and spirits to help me along the way.
I am very into holistic living. I dream of having someday soon a self sustainable farm to raise our son, live an organic and most natural and harmonious life.
I enjoy learning and growing with our son as he develops each minute of the day.
And I enjoy looking for what tomorrow can bring.
